


Truth and Reconciliation

by MidnightandDiamonds



Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-04 17:52:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12173799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightandDiamonds/pseuds/MidnightandDiamonds
Summary: "Day after day passed in silent torture, not a word being spoken between himself and Alfred. Drummond found that every second is his presence was such sweet agony now, the sight of his beloved creating a momentary interlude of relief before the heartache of their circumstances tightened its hold over him once again."The trip to France allows Drummond the chance to explain the circumstances of his engagement to Lord Alfred, Drummond realises that perhaps things aren't as broken between them as they once seemed.





	Truth and Reconciliation

**Author's Note:**

> So this is unexpected, I only recently started watching the show and Alfred and Drummond have quickly become everything to me. The moment Alfred found out about Drummond's engagement actually destroyed me, so here's a fic in which they discuss said revelation and are just generally really in love with each other. 
> 
> This is essentially just how I imagine the journey to France could go in 2x05, it's probably unlikely but I had the idea and I loved it too much not to write it.
> 
> Enjoy!

Day after day passed in silent torture, not a word being spoken between himself and Alfred. Drummond found that every second is his presence was such sweet agony now, the sight of his beloved creating a momentary interlude of relief before the heartache of their circumstances tightened its hold over him once again.

Neither had been able to bring themselves to discuss that dreaded day on the steps, when everything had gone so horribly wrong in only a matter of seconds. All that existed between them now were futile glances across rooms which felt ever more expansive than they truly were, coupled with brief encounters in hallways that seemed to last an eternity as both tried their best to avoid the other - yet both desperate to reach out all the same.

With every passing moment Drummond felt a fear clench at his heart, fear that he and Alfred would be forever caught in this cycle of avoidance – that he’d broken everything they’d tried so tentatively to build between them.

_Perhaps there was no going back from this._

Then the trip to France was announced.

The Queen had asked for Peel’s presence at the palace but had declined to elaborate beyond that until they could discuss the matter in person, when they arrived Drummond quickly discovered why.

To say that Peel wasn’t best pleased with The Queen’s plans to meet with King Louis Philippe of France - and interfere with his plans to marry his son to the Queen of Spain - would be an understatement, Drummond had worked for him long enough to notice the subtler signs of his anger and frustration.

The Queen however would not be dissuaded from her plans, regardless of how well Peel hid the full extent of his _opinion_ towards them. If things had been normal, it would have been at this point that Drummond and Alfred would share a knowing look; one would eventually step in with a helpful comment to diffuse the situation between the two leaders, with the other prepared to show their support of the idea and appear as a united front.

Things weren’t normal though, Drummond and Alfred – ever diligent in his support of The Queen, regardless of his feelings – stood in terse silence behind their respective dignitaries. Neither spoke their mind, lest they be required to engage one another and inadvertently reveal the extent of the discontent between them.

“Drummond!” He was snapped out of his thoughts abruptly by Peel addressing him, he hadn’t realised quite how little attention he’d been paying to the latter part of the discussion.

“Yes, Sir?” He answered courteously, attempting to retain his air of professionalism.

“You will accompany The Queen and her entourage to France as my envoy.” It clearly wasn’t a question, it was an order – one with which he had no choice but to comply.

“Of course, Sir.” Drummond replied instantly, before turning to address The Queen. “It would be my honour, Your Majesty.” Her small, yet sincere, smile at his words was particularly gratifying.

A thought suddenly gripped his mind as The Queen and The Prime Minister settled the last few points of their meeting, he was going to have to prepare himself for days travelling across land and sea in some rather confined spaces – and all of it would be done with Alfred.

He could only hope they would be travelling in separate carriages on their journey to the ship.

 

* * *

 

“Lord Alfred, Mr Drummond – as I understand you’ve become rather firm friends over the passing months, I’m sure you would not mind sharing a carriage together.” The Queen seemed quite pleased with her choice, clearly believing she’d picked the best candidates to have to share the final carriage alone.

Drummond should have known he wouldn’t be lucky enough to avoid Alfred as much as he had hoped, it seemed quite the opposite in fact – as if the fates themselves were forcing them to converge.

“Of course, Your Majesty. We will be quite well.” Alfred replied cordially, his effortless charm in the presence of The Queen coming into play quite astutely.

At that Her Majesty seemed contented, turning away to be aided into the Royal Carriage by Prince Albert. This appeared to signal to the rest of the company that the time had come to leave, all following their Queen’s lead and entering their own carriages.

Alfred walked away without a word; Drummond let the flash of pain subside before following.

Upon reaching their carriage he was surprised to find that Alfred – his dear, sweet Alfred – had not yet entered. Instead he stood, ever the gentleman, with the carriage door open and a sweeping gesture to allow him in first.

_Perhaps he hadn’t quite ruined everything after all._

Drummond slowed briefly enough to look at Alfred properly for the first time in days, finding that finally – _finally_ – his gaze was returned. A tentative smile was shared between them and, on Drummond’s part, a careful bow of the head in gratitude.

Whilst he made his way into the carriage, Drummond allowed himself to drop his public façade for just a moment as the feeling of utter relief washed over him. Things between them were still tense but now there was a _chance_ , a bridge between them that if used correctly could bring them closer once again.

That was all Drummond desired.

He took his seat, swiftly followed by Alfred who closed the carriage door and drew the small curtain across a little - to shield them from the glare of the sun.  

Drummond was suddenly very aware of just how close they were, it felt so long since they had even shared a word let alone had such little space between them. It was almost as if he could feel Alfred sitting beside him, without contact – without even having to look at him.

When the carriage eventually began to move Drummond realised how separated they had become from the rest of the world, maybe now was the perfect time for them to discuss what had happened. He’d let this go on for far too long, scared that what he had to say might make things worse rather than better - but could anything really be worse than this? Perpetually stuck in limbo between something and nothing, neither of them having the courage to propel them in some semblance of a direction.

Time passed even longer in silence as Drummond attempted to formulate a plan as to what he would say, yet everything in his mind sounded stilted – insincere. That was the last thing he wanted Alfred to think of him.

His heart was racing in his chest, his throat feeling dryer by the second. Drummond swallowed thickly, hoping it hadn’t been audible, as he tried to breathe through the panic. So many thoughts began swirling around inside his head, all the ways their potential discussion could possibly go wrong. Yet one thing – a single word – made its way to the surface.

“Alfred…” It came out raw and pained and so very, very desperate.

He turned his head just in time to see Alfred’s eyes close, as if overwhelmed by the sound of his name spoken so reverently by Drummond’s voice. A small gasp escaped his parted lips – clearly not expecting what he had heard.

_He’d never looked more beautiful._

After a few moments Alfred managed to compose himself, at least enough so that he was able to hesitantly meet Drummond’s eye.

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly - almost like a whisper – not wanting to break the fragile atmosphere between them. The look on Alfred’s face almost caused him to cease speaking all together, his eyes glistened with the same heartbreak as they had when Drummond’s engagement was discovered. It was a look he never wanted to see again.

“I should have told you about the engagement sooner, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it was even happening; I’m not marrying out of choice – I need you to know that. The match has been arranged for me and there’s nothing I can do about it, not for lack of trying.” Now that he was finally speaking Drummond found it easier and easier to explain, to express his true feelings. “I would give anything to not have to go through with it.”

“Then why didn’t you explain it? You’ve had so many opportunities.” Alfred asked, clearly relieved to finally have the truth yet angry at his lack of understanding towards Drummond’s reasoning.

_He’d really made a mess of things, hadn’t he?_

“I was afraid that if you understood, you would put an end to whatever this is between us. Out of anger at me, or pity for my future wife - to have a husband who could not and would not love her. I couldn’t bear to hear you say you no longer wanted me, that I was no longer worth it, so I avoided you – for which you have no idea how sorry I am.” Drummond had been afraid to admit it to himself before but it was true, in all honesty he was still terrified of how Alfred might react. At least it was all out in the open now.

What felt like an eternity passed as Alfred turned away to process everything he had learned, his expression giving nothing away – no hint at what was going on inside his mind. A few seconds later Alfred once again returned Drummond’s gaze, yet it seemed impossible to read his steely expression.

“Close your curtain.” Drummond was confused at the request but complied, his need to hear what Alfred had to say overriding any other thoughts.

He didn’t have to wait long.

Before Drummond could even finish fully turning back from the curtain, Alfred moved in a flash. Hands landed softly but firmly on his face, followed by the unmistakable pressure of Alfred’s lips on his own.

Alfred was… Kissing him?

_Well that went better than he expected._

Drummond responded instantly, his own hand reaching up to caress Alfred’s cheek tenderly – as if trying to make up for all the pain he’d caused.

The kiss was achingly slow, drawing out every ounce of touch they’d been denying themselves since the beginning of their separation. The heady mix of repeated brushes and movements against one another felt so all-consuming that Drummond barely registered when Alfred pulled away, just enough to rest their foreheads together.

“You are a fool to think I would ever leave you. I love you with all my heart, nothing is going to change that.” Alfred quietly stated, his eyes not leaving Drummond’s for even a second. He was stunned, he hadn’t expected such a declaration – especially after everything that had happened – and yet there was absolutely no uncertainty in his tone.

Alfred loved him.

It was impossible to contain his smile.

“And I you.” Drummond replied, more sweetly than he had thought possible.

The answering smile of pure Joy on Alfred’s face made every moment of pain worth it.

A small laugh of relief passed between them; they both most definitely felt the same way about each other and it felt incredible. No longer was there any doubt or secrets between them, only the warm air of their shared breath and an indescribable happiness.

Things weren’t going to be easy, not by a long shot; they’d still need to be careful with their affections in public but in private - with just the two of them and their love for one another – Drummond knew he would always feel safe and content with Alfred.

They shared a final, lingering kiss before moving apart – not wanting to risk drawing any unwanted attention, if the other members of their party noticed the curtains had been closed for a lengthy period of time.

Sunlight filtered back into their carriage, both men relishing the sight of the other in full daylight once again. Their smiles still hadn’t faded and only seemed to grow as they caught each other’s eye.

Although they were now sitting apart, the conversation flowed as easily between them as it once had. To anyone looking in, they would simply look like two friends enjoy one another’s company; yet as time drew on and talk faded into comfortable silence, wandering hands slid gingerly across the space between them in search of loving reassurance.

Out of sight of the window two hands joined, fingers interlocking gently as they rested on the seat – one of many private gestures of affection that would be felt long after their journey’s end.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Feel free to leaves kudos and/or comments, it would be greatly appreciated!


End file.
